Get the Spousal Support You Deserve – Part 1
This week I learned that a couple I looked up to is now divorced. I’ve said it before, but every time I hear about another couple’s breakup, my heart breaks. I thought about this couple’s marriage. Were there any warning signs? When did it all go wrong . . . or was it ever really right? I’m sure these spouses asked these same questions and then some. In most divorces, there comes the question of Who’s going to pay spousal support? I am going to do a little play on words here, because the point of this blog isn’t to give legal advice, but to give some much needed marital advice.
Spousal Support in Action
You see, the problem is that more spouses know the financial rules of who gets what in a divorce better than they know the relationship rules that help prevent divorce. So, let’s focus on that for a minute. I’ve found one of the greatest needs in marriage that consistently comes up is spouses want to feel supported. So, I asked myself, how much do I support Shaun in our marriage? Oh sure, I think I’m supportive. Most of us married folks do. But are we really? “Spousal support” might look very different to you than it does to your mate.
More spouses know the financial rules of who gets what in a divorce better than they know the relationship rules that help prevent divorce.
For example, I am a visionary. I always have new ideas. Sometimes these ideas are busts, and I’ve lost money pursuing them. Just being real. However, Shaun has always supported my dreams. I can see the look on his face when I’m sharing yet another idea with him. His mouth is smiling, but his eyes are glazed over—adding up the figures, wondering how much this idea is going to cost him! But no matter how far-fetched my “dream” is, he’s always willing to support me financially and otherwise.
Now me . . . not so much. Isn’t it interesting that while I’m free to dream with my ideas, I sometimes apply all the logic and analytics when it comes to hearing his dreams? I’m being super vulnerable here, people, don’t judge.
How much is that gonna cost? Do you really need to pursue that right now? How long will that take you to complete? I’ve asked these questions and watched the smile slowly fade from Shaun’s face. Some of you might be saying, “Oh, that’s wisdom girl.” Others, “Dang, that’s rough girl!” Now, I don’t believe we should just blindly throw money or time at things before vetting the idea, but my point is that more often than not, we don’t offer the same spousal supportwe want to receive.
Spousal Support Play by Play
I truly believe this is one of the reasons why couples split. They forget they are a team! Teammates support one another. All my kids play sports, and in almost every game, sacrifices have to be made. My daughter plays basketball and is a great shooter, but she can’t take all the shots. She has to “assist” her other players from time to time. And at the end of the day (or the game), it matters little who shot the basket, only that the team scored.
So, if you struggle with offering consistent spousal support like I sometimes do, click here for part two’s spousal support tips to help you out.
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