You Should Go and Love Yourself
Can I ask you a question? When is the last time you actually did something just for you? When is the last time you broke out your journal and wrote a plan to love yourself more intentionally? If your eyes are bulging out of their sockets at the idea of creating more work for yourself, let me help you relax. “Working on yourself” may sometimes feel like work, but it’s also rewarding, and ultimately it’s fun.
The problem we have in relationships is that we spend so much time either trying to work on our partners or on the relationship that we neglect to work on ourselves. So we let our dreams die. We let our looks go down the drain. And we fantasize about the days when we actually felt alive.
You wanna know something about all living things though? All living things grow. They change. They adapt. The moment you stop growing, learning and maturing, you start dying. Maybe not physically, but emotionally and, for sure, spiritually.
You show you love yourself by investing in yourself.
I mentor a group of young moms. In one of our conversations not too long ago, the topic of self-care, specifically how we look, came up. Now, I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I make it my business to look good every day. Even days I don’t feel like wearing makeup, I still do my hair and find something to wear that I feel good in. It’s not shallow. It’s investing. You show you love yourself by investing in yourself.
We, especially women, have been told for too long that putting everyone else’s needs above our own is somehow saintly. Listen, I am all for meeting others’ needs. We should do that, but not at the expense of ourselves. I’m not talking about some flowery definition of self-confidence or self-awareness. I’m talking about real, conscious choices to love yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Practical Steps to Love Yourself
Physically
Real talk: when you look good, you feel good. Mamas, you need to bathe daily. Seriously. Fellas too, but let me talk to the moms real quick. Your baby will be just fine crying for 10 minutes or so while you take a shower. No man wants to come home to a wife with spit up and yesterday’s clothes on. I’m gonna dig my heels in on this one. Too many marriages have been derailed, because Lolita at work was smelling good, looking good and caught your husband’s eye. Don’t give Lolita a chance. Be the woman your husband dated.
Get a massage or a facial. Color your hair. Try a new lip color. Buy the dress. Put on some earrings. Do something that makes you feel pretty.
Emotionally
Lest we swim in the shallow end too long, let’s go deeper. You also love yourself by taking care of your mind. Read that book that’s been collecting dust on your nightstand. Take a girls’ trip with your friends, start that blog you’ve been wanting to start. Say no to your mother-in-law (I’ll leave that one alone)!
Some of us have experienced some deeply painful things in life. Maybe you’ve made some treacherous mistakes, and you can’t forgive yourself. It’s time you rid yourself of the guilt. Repent if you haven’t already, and seek reconciliation, if possible. You do not need to stay locked up emotionally. You deserve to be free.
Spiritually
Where are you in your relationship with God? Listen, I HAVE to set time for my quiet devotions with God. If I hop out of bed without my heart connecting to His, I feel it. I’m off kilter, and it won’t take long at all before my family sees it. Whether or not you have strong spiritual beliefs, I believe we are body, soul and spirit. Feed yours.
The truth is, my friends, you can’t be all you need to be for someone else if you’re not showing up for yourself. And since you’re a 50/50 partner in every relationship you’re in, when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, depressed, insecure and depleted, the whole relationship suffers.
So do yourself a favor. Be intentional about prioritizing you, and love yourself!
What are some specific things you do to show yourself some love?
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