Beyond Mistakes: Modeling Responsibility & Forgiveness – with Beth Hunter (Marriage & Family Series) 

Forgiveness is foundational for a healthy marriage and relationship. On this episode, we will capture how to identify unforgiveness and model responsibility to others. Our guest, marriage therapist, Beth Hunter, also shares with us her amazing process of forgiving in four steps. Join us as we unpack the insights and practical strategies shared by Beth in this enlightening conversation. Let’s dive in, and please share this episode. 

Modeling Responsibility 

As parents, we must model the right behavior for our kids. Modeling responsibility goes hand in hand with teaching our kids to forgive.  

A lot of times, just to be real, we play the victim in our story. We’re the ones who got hurt. We’re the one who was misunderstood. We are the ones in the right. And I think that this takes forgiveness to another level of maturity to realize that just like you said, you might not be the main problem. One of my friends told me this years ago. I don’t know who the originator of this quote was, but it’s even if you’re only 5% of the problem, you still have to take 100% of your 5%. This doesn’t mean owning something that isn’t yours to own. But it does mean taking responsibility for what you may have contributed to the conflict.  

How Do I Know I Have Unforgiveness?  

There are three marks of unforgiveness. First, if you find yourself overreacting to a situation that may have warranted a “level two” response, but you hit an “eight”, there’s something there. Second, if you find yourself rehashing something over and over, there’s something there. Lastly, if you are in an argument and you begin pulling past offenses from past arguments, there’s something there! Friends, let today be the day that you begin to release those things. How?! Stay tuned. 

How Do I Forgive? 

1 – Identify What You Need To Forgive 

We need to understand, first, that not everything is something that needs forgiveness. If we experience hurt from an unrealistic expectation we placed on a situation, have an area of immaturity or selfishness, or have taken upon someone else’s offense are all areas we need to examine within ourselves. Beth emphasizes the need to distinguish between mistakes and willful acts of harm. Mistakes are part of being human, and they offer valuable opportunities for growth and learning. However, willful harm requires accountability and active efforts to make amends. It’s important to recognize this distinction to uphold healthy boundaries while also fostering an environment for growth and forgiveness.  

Outside of that, there are three primary types of hurts we can identify. A universal hurt is anything legally, morally, or ethically wrong. A compounded hurt is experienced over and over, whether by one individual or multiple. When we react in one of these scenarios, we are reacting to all the painful layers. Lastly, a perceived hurt is one that reminds us of something of the past. Someone may accidentally brush that wound, and it hurts like the first time all over again. This requires forgiveness for the original wound. 

2 – What Do I Need To Ask For Forgiveness For? 

It takes two to tango! So even if you contributed five percent to a situation, own 100 percent of that five percent! Even if it’s simply an unloving tone of voice or misplaced expectation, owning your part is necessary to the process of forgiveness and release. 

3 – Work To Gain Compassion For The Other Person 

Are you able to understand why the other person behaved in the way they did? Now this is not making excuses for them, this is trying to put yourself in their shoes to stir compassion for them. This can take work in very painful or compounded situations. Grace and compassion are doors to forgiveness, which are not a sign of weakness, but rather a strength that fosters deeper connections with others. We can also foster healthier relationships based on support and empathy rather than unresolved grudges. 

4 – Forsake Revenge And Give It To God 

What does that mean, “giving it to God”? It means giving up your right to revenge and holding on to unforgiveness. There are many creative ways to release these painful hurts. Beth suggests you could write the offense or person’s name on a rock and throw it into a lake, write everything down then burn the paper, or simply imagine all your hurt as an object you surrender permanently. Going through this type of exercise can provide a powerful emotional release for someone who has been wounded.  

Finally, Beth encourages us as parents to recognize crucial teaching moments and to model forgiveness in our own lives. For parents who are struggling with forgiveness, it’s important to remember that forgiveness is a foundational structure for any healthy relationship. Our children learn by watching us, so we must model forgiveness and teach them how to forgive. It’s a valuable life skill that can greatly enhance their well-being and relationships. In closing, Beth also explains that forgiveness doesn’t always require reconciliation. It’s about freeing ourselves from the burden of resentment, regardless of the outcome of the relationship. I hope this podcast stirs hunger towards your healing journey and strengthening the foundation of your relationship. Until next time friends! 

 

These show notes are an abridged version of the audio podcast. Be sure to listen to the full episode to get all the nuggets!  

 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   

Beth Hunter’s Forgiveness Series

Get your Love Is Devotional here! 

Also See: The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships: Forgive Them, Restore You

Interested in group coaching for married women? Learn about Thrive Wives today!

 

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