How to Stop Having Sex Before Marriage (If The Train Has Left the Station)
Today, we continue discussing maintaining a sex-free relationship before marriage. In the previous episode, we learned about the WHY. In this episode, we explore the HOW – practical strategies for achieving this goal. If you missed it, be sure to catch up on last week’s episode.
To start, there is a friend of mine who is struggling with having sex before marriage. This person knows it’s not God’s best for them or their relationship, but they can’t seem to stop. They asked for my help and, specifically asked me for more solutions than just “prayer and boundaries.” They inspired this episode, and so I want to share with you some of the practical strategies I shared with them on how to stop having sex before marriage if the train has left the station (you’ve already done the deed).
Romans 7:15 – 8:2 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.
How to Stop Having Sex Before Marriage:
1. Let Go of Shame
Shame is never productive. We emphasized the importance of shedding shame associated with past actions and understanding that guilt can be a guide for positive change.
2. Shift Your Focus
Whatever you focus on gets stronger. Redirecting your attention from physical intimacy to a greater purpose or “why” for abstaining is crucial.
3. Identify Your Triggers
Recognizing the situations or emotions that trigger desires for intimacy can help you better prepare and resist temptation.
4. Employ Common Sense
Practical boundaries and common-sense decisions can prevent inadvertent escalation of intimacy.
5. Play Offense, Not Defense
Developing a proactive strategy for abstaining, such as creative date ideas that don’t involve private spaces, is essential.
6. Don’t Go It Alone
Engage friends, family, or other couples who share your commitment to a sex-free relationship. Accountability and support are essential.
7. Change Your Environment
Your external factors, including friends, music, movies, and surroundings, can influence your behavior. Make changes that align with your commitment to a sex-free relationship.
Changing Your Environment
Changing your environment isn’t limited to physical spaces; it extends to the people, media, and influences surrounding you. Consider altering the following:
- Friendships: Surround yourself with supportive friends who align with your goals.
- Social Activities: Choose venues and events that don’t trigger temptation.
- Media Consumption: Be mindful of the music, movies, and books you engage with, as they can affect your desires.
Remember that these changes are driven by your “why” and a desire for a healthier, less sexually focused relationship.
Prayer as a Powerful Tool
While providing strategies beyond the usual Christian cliches was a goal, we must recognize the vital role of prayer. Prayer offers guidance and support, particularly for those with a Christian faith. Trust that God will provide a way out when you’re tempted.
1 Corinthians 10:13 The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
This scripture reminds us that temptations are common to all but manageable with God’s help. However, it’s crucial to act on the answers received through prayer.
Connect and Seek Support:
Feel free to reach out via DM on Instagram and Facebook if you have questions or need assistance with any of the strategies mentioned.
Thank you for joining us on this episode of Real Relationship Talk, where we believe that a good relationship is one where you put in the work. Stay tuned for more insightful episodes in the future.
LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE
Last week’s episode- 7 reasons to nix sex before marriage
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