Landscaping Your Marriage: Rehabbing a Sexually Broken Marriage
How would you describe the landscape of your marriage? Most married couples aren’t so intentional about designing the marriage they actually want but rather they respond to the marriage they seem to have. Today, our guests Gary and Tamra Andress vulnerably share their story of rehabilitating their sexually broken marriage. They shed light on the intricate challenges and intentional growth they experienced in their marriage as they weeded out what wasn’t helping them and, instead, planted seeds that have now grown into a loving, safe, and healthy marriage.
Societal Expectations & Oversexualization of Women
It’s time we understand our exposure and normalization of certain behaviors in the age of social media, especially when it comes to sexual expression. Regardless of your beliefs, it’s a fact that these influences shape societal expectations, and I believe lead to sexually broken marriages. This conversation poignantly addresses the pressures placed on women, especially, the effects of over-sexualization, even in marriage. Tamra’s discusses her exposure to porn at an early age that planted the seed of sexual dysfunction in her life that would later show up in her marriage.
The over-sexualization (and objectification) of women is a topic I address frequently on this podcast because its fruit is poisonous not only to women but to men and relationships in general. Whether you’re married or single, it’s important to examine the media’s influence in your life and consider how it may be contributing to any sexual dysfunction or sexual brokenness you may have in your life.
When Entrepreneurs Get Married
Tamra and Gary openly discuss the challenges they faced as successful entrepreneurs, struggling to balance their professional achievements with the demands of their marriage. Tamra’s focus on her own success led to a period of depression and suicidal thoughts, ultimately becoming a turning point in their healing journey.
Tamra shares a profound moment of realization, when she realized she was broken and had a sexually broken marriage. She recounts an encounter with Christ that sparked a radical shift in her life. Her journey from a place of darkness and suppression to one of joy, peace, and rest underscores the transformative power of authentic faith and the pursuit of her personal and marital healing.
God Only Reveals to Heal
“He knew my dreams and aspirations, but he didn’t know my darkness.”
The episode weaves the threads of infidelity in different ways – not only sexual infidelity but infidelity within. Tamra discusses the moment she had to choose to stop wearing the mask and live authentically. She knew she had to reveal her experiences of sexual abuse and the subsequent struggles with shame, sexual brokeness, and darkness to Gary. Tamra said, “He knew my dreams and aspirations, but he didn’t know my darkness.” Her decision to unveil these hidden aspects of her life to Gary after years of concealment reflects the strength and resilience found in vulnerability. Likewise, Gary had his own moment of encounter where he, too, had to reveal the sexual brokenness that had infiltrated his life.
Tamra discusses that in her healing journey, she neglected Gary’s healing and the opposite effect took place: Gary had an affair. “There was a chink in the armor,” Gary said. “Yet, it wasn’t Tamra’s responsibility.” Tamra and Gary then began the healing journey all over again, working with their marriage counselor sometimes two or three times a week.
ALSO SEE: Find Freedom from Sexual Abuse
Practical Strategies for Designing Your Marriage Landscape
Awareness played a significant role in the healing Tamra and Gary received, but there were other practical steps the Andresses took to design a new landscape for their sexually broken marriage. Some of these strategies included checking in with each other and setting new boundaries, not only sexually, but also in terms of communication, removing unhealthy triggers, like social media, and implementing healthy practices. The implementation of changes, such as abstaining from secular media and practicing minimalization in their home, serves as a testament to their transformation.
The candid exchange between Tamra and Gary provides a poignant portrayal of the resilience and commitment inherent in their marriage. Their willingness to make sacrifices and seek counseling to address their sexual brokeness and other challenges highlights the profound dedication and effort required to navigate a new, whole marriage.
It is so important that married couples invest in their marriage. Resources and practical support such as online courses and coaching go a long way to help couples dealing with sexual brokenness and other marital problems. Whatever resources you choose, just choose. Do the work. Be intentional. Your marriage is worth it and so are you.
Links Mentioned in this Episode:
Learn How to Start Better Conversations When in Conflict – FREE PDF Download
The book that helped led to Tamra’s healing from sexual brokenness: No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction
Connect with Tamra and learn about her business coaching
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