208: Overcoming Church Hurt

Jan 19, 2024

How to Overcome Church Hurt

In the healthiest of families, disagreements surface, and the church, as a spiritual family, is no exception. Join us in this edition of Faith Friday as we draw inspiration from the word of God to help us navigate the path toward healing church hurt.

Is It Church Hurt or Offense?

Church hurt involves intentional or unintentional actions that cause pain, such as abuse, slander, or betrayal within the church community. On the other hand, offense is a perceived insult, a feeling of being disregarded or left out.

Understanding this is important. Knowing the difference lays the foundation for the healing process. It helps individuals discern whether they actually need healing from hurt or if they need to learn how to live unoffendably.

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The Matthew 18 Principle for Restoration

In Matthew 18, Jesus gives us a clear process for handling disputes and disagreements with other believers. The principle he teaches also offers a guideline for addressing church hurt and fosters restoration. This principle, outlined in Matthew 18:15-17, emphasizes three key steps:

Matthew 18:15-17 (New International Version):

15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.

16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Step One: Confront in Private

The first step in overcoming church hurt involves approaching the person who caused the offense or hurt directly. This is a challenge to many, as our natural tendency is often to avoid conflict. However, it aligns with the wisdom of Proverbs 19:11, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Going directly to the source promotes understanding and reconciliation.

Step Two: Involve Trusted Advisors

If the private confrontation doesn’t lead to a resolution, the next step is to involve two or three trusted individuals as witnesses. These witnesses serve as mediators, not to gossip or condemn but to aid in the process of repentance and restoration. These mediators should be mature Christians, leaders if possible.

Step Three: Bring the Hurt Before the Church

If the issue persists, the matter is brought before the entire church or, depending on the church’s structure, its leadership. This step is a reflection of the seriousness of the situation and underscores the importance of seeking communal guidance for resolution. Make no mistake, Jesus encourages believers to “put the sin on blast” if the person is unrepentant and unwilling to change through steps one and two of the restoration process.

Participating in the Restoration Process

Overcoming church hurt requires the offended party to actively engage in the restoration process. This participation is rooted in Christian maturity, wisdom, and the understanding that reconciliation is the ultimate goal. Christians must also exercise wisdom. If a person remains unrepentant and continues to disrupt the church community, there may come a point where separation is necessary. This separation is not a departure from the broader Church (Body of Christ) but may need to lead to a shift within a local church community.

As Christians navigate the complexities of interpersonal relationships within the church, it’s essential to remember that church hurt, while painful, is not a reason to abandon the Church. Instead, it becomes an opportunity for growth, both individually and as a community. By actively participating in the restoration process, believers contribute to the health and unity of the Body of Christ.

Healing from Church Hurt

Healing from church hurt requires maturity, grace, and a commitment to following biblical principles. The roadmap for resolution, emphasizes on direct communication, involvement of trusted advisors, and seeking church guidance.

In the face of church hurt, let us be a community that reflects the love, forgiveness, and grace of our Lord .May our actions be guided by the wisdom of Scripture, and may our commitment to healing and restoration strengthen the bonds within our local church families.