7 Things A Woman Can Do to Destroy Your Marriage

Marriage: some of us wives have a love-hate relationship with it. On the one hand, we love being in a relationship with our best friend, and we love the support we get from our man. But on the other hand, especially when we’ve hit a rut, honey . . . I’m talking about those times when we just want to be left alone and our husbands haven’t discerned that important piece of intel yet.   

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Marriage is great, but it is work. I know you know that. I was reading in Proverbs the other day, and a verse that I’m very familiar with jumped off the page at me. Are you ready to be convicted? Here it is: “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands” (Proverbs 14:1). Now, like I said, I’ve read that verse dozens of times before, but for some reason, my eyes were opened in a new way that day. 

Proverbs is genius for contrasting the foolish person with the wise one. In this Scripture, we see two kinds of women: one who builds and one who destroys. Ladies, do you know that you can single-handedly destroy your marriage and home? That’s a lot of power. The good news is that the opposite is also true. You can also build (create, construct, set up, raise) the household of your dreams . . . but in order to do so, you must have wisdom. 

I started thinking of all the foolish, hurtful things I’ve done that have undoubtedly affected my family, but before I could go into straight “tear myself apart mode,” I felt the presence of God lift me right back up. See, that was the old Dana, and we need not bring her out again. Still, there are some who really struggle in this way, and you don’t even know it. So, allow me to share seven things a woman can do to destroy her marriage.

You Can Destroy Your Marriage By . . .

1. Undermining your husband’s intellect or abilities

Have you ever been around a woman who constantly puts her husband down? Maybe she’ll say “jokingly,” something like, “Oh, you know Joe doesn’t know anything.” or “Girl, you know the man doesn’t have a degree.” Whoa. Whether these comments are in your husband’s earshot or not, they are hurtful and reveal that you don’t honor him. Newsflash: a man needs to know that his wife looks up to (respects) him. This is critical, ladies! The Bible says, in Ephesians 5, that the wife is to respect her husband, because it is his greatest need. 

2. Constantly challenging your husband, especially in front of others

Similar to undermining him, challenging your husband in front of others tears him down. I’m not saying you fake smile and nod like a Stepford wife to everything he says. But, there are times when you need to know when to stop talking. Can I be honest? I like being right. And I think I usually am! But do you know that you can be “right” and still be wrong? Wisdom says, “Shhh.” Listen to it. 

3. Correcting your husband in front of the kids

Whew ladies! This one right here can be a challenge for me. Shaun is a great guy, a fun parent, but sometimes, I feel the need to correct his parenting choices in front of the kids. When he says they can stay up until midnight, I don’t even bat an eye before declaring that they need their 10-12 hours of sleep if they are going to grow right. If he says they can have ice cream for dinner (and I watched them eat a popsicle at lunch time), I find myself saying, “Absolutely not. That is way too much sugar.” Yep, I’m guilty. Husbands don’t always get it right, but unless your man is doing something that will actually hurt the kids, give him a break. I promise they will be on track for their growth development with the occasional seven hours of sleep. 

4. Sharing your husband’s issues with your friends

Now listen here . . . this one’s a big no-no. It takes a lotfor most guys to open their heart to anyone, even you¾especially you most times. Because your man needs and wants to be your hero, sharing his weaknesses with you is a big deal that requires a ton of vulnerability. Therefore, whenever he shares something sensitive with you, you absolutely can never judge him and NEVER share that with anyone else.Guard it girl like your diamond ring, or he won’t tell you a thing!  

5. Flirting or talking about other men/soul ties

There might be a caramel-colored actor with green eyes that I used to have a slight obsession with. This man might have come across my TV screen while Shaun was sitting on the couch beside me. I might have forgotten that my wonderful husband was in such close proximity to me when I muttered the words, “My Lord, Jesus!” No, this was not a prelude to the worship song we sang in church that week. I was lusting. Pure and simple. Now, to my credit, I’m probably never going to meet this man in real life, but still, it’s not wise. For some women, they actually still talk to exes, talk incessantly about male co-workers, or still have soul ties to former lovers. What can seem (and often be) so innocent can turn destructive given the wrong fuel. Once you get married, you have to be very careful with other men in your life. 

ALSO READ: Platonic Friends of the Opposite Sex

6. Letting yourself go

I talk about this all the time, and I’m sure women get offended when I do. But I’m only telling you the truth because I love you. Ladies, your man is a visual being. He likes beautiful women. You don’t have to be a supermodel, but you do need to be attractive to him. I stress “to him,” because what’s attractive to my husband might not be attractive to yours. Find out what helikes, and do that! When you take the time to take care of yourself, it sends a message to your man that he matters. When you don’t, just know that you are playing with fire. He is responsible for his behavior, but last time I checked, aiding and abetting was also a crime. Get my drift?

7. Withholding sex

Do we need an entire blog post on this one? Yes, we do! Lucky for you, I wrote a post last year on A Sexless Marriage, video included. You can thank me later. Ladies, sex is a powerful weapon. Used correctly, it can build your marriage into something “otherworldly.” However, when you use sex to punish your man, or you begrudgingly have sex with him, you literally destroy him. In case you haven’t noticed, sex is a BIG deal to most men! If you are having some issues connecting emotionally or any issues physically, I pray you will talk to your husband and that you can work it out, because sex is a beautiful and loving part of marriage. It it the ONE thing ONLY YOU can do for him, so steward it well.

Well there you have it: seven ways a woman can destroy her marriage. I know there are more. As a matter of fact, if you have something to add, write it in the comments below. 

Until next time, I wish you peace, patience and purpose in your life and in your marriage. Now go build something great, girl!