The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Relationships (Communication 101 Series)
Did you know there are four major communication problems that will wreck any relationship (also known as the four horsemen of the apocalypse)? These communication blunders are often practiced unbeknownst to the person. Thankfully, marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman has discovered what these four communication problems are and solutions to help us learn how to communicate better.
On today’s episode, we’re talking about these four horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. You might refer to the four horsemen by different names, but after listening to the episode, you’ll likely arrive at the same solution: they can’t remain in a healthy relationship. To help you destroy these four horsemen, I am sharing some antidotes or solutions that will allow you to practice better communication in your relationships.
Unspoken Expectations and Unfixed Conflicts
Something to realize about these four horsemen of the apocalypse is they are largely unspoken. With the exception of criticism, most couples are not intentional about talking about their grievances. That’s pretty much what stonewalling is. The silent treatment, passive-aggressive behavior, and unspoken attacks love to hide underneath unspoken expectations and unfixed conflicts. Don’t be that couple. Don’t allow these horsemen to ruin the communication and connection you deserve to have in your relationship.
This is one episode you’ll want to chew on a little bit. Don’t just listen and keep to business as usual. Which of these four horsemen do you identify with? How can you change your heart and your behavior in order to practice more effective ways of communicating? What’s really at the core of why you’re communicating this way? These are all heartfelt questions that I hope you’ll work through.
After you hear today’s episode, you’ll walk away with some practical tools to communicate better. I guarantee it. Share this episode with your spouse or loved one and see if you agree on what four horsemen (or multiple horsemen) have hijacked your relationship.
Resources and Links Mentioned During this Episode:
- John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
- Real Relationship Talk Episode 86: It’s Not You; It’s Me (I Statements)
- Real Relationship Talk Episode 87: The Silent Treatment vs Silence
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