The Best Marriage Book I Ever Read

I’ve been married for 19 years, and have read some amazing, inspirational marriage books. But when I think of the bestmarriage book I’ve ever read, hands down, it has to be . . . Well, I’m not going to tell you that soon! What I will tell you is that every “marriage expert” or marriage author is biased. As much as we may want to be objective, those of us who work with marriages approach our work subjectively. Because infidelity has been my story, whenever I hear about a married couple dealing with infidelity, I have to consciously set my own opinions aside so that the help I’m offering is as pure as it can be. 

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Before You Call It Quits

So, back to the books. One of the best marriage books I’ve ever read is Before the Last Resort: 3 Simple Questions to Rescue Your Marriage by George Kentworthy. Chapters like “When Prayer Doesn’t Work” encouraged me when I was burned out on praying. I learned how to rest in the power of God more than my pleading to God. Another chapter, “You Gotta Have Hope” gave me real-life examples of other couples on the brink of divorce whose marriages were rescued when they put into practice the principles of this book. If their marriages could bounce back, I thought, maybe mine could too. Do all you can do before giving up on your marriage.

Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Another one of the best marriage books IMO is His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriageby Willard Harley Jr. Shaun and I read this book together with the marriage small group we lead. Boy, was it wild! Never before had I seen grown men react so um . . . passionately to a book before! But it wasn’t just the men. Some of the topics in the book didn’t sit too well with the ladies either. The premise of His Needs Her Needsis that when you are meeting your spouse’s needs, he/she will not be tempted to cheat on you. Even as I write that, my eyebrow is dancing and my lips are pursed. I get it. We should be filling our spouse’s love tanks (a brilliant idea taught in the book). However, the onus is noton the spouse to make sure his/her partner doesn’t cheat. All in all, though, I still recommend His Needs Her Needsas one the best marriage books I’ve read.

The Power of Prayer

Who can talk about prayer in relationships without thinking of my girl Stormie Omartian. I don’t know if she pronounces her last name O’Marshan or O’Marteeyen. In any case, she’s the best at teaching those in relationships how to truly pray for one another. She’s written The Power of a Praying Wife, The Power of a Praying Husband, The Power of a Praying Woman, The Power of Praying Parents, The Power of Praying Together,and more. The reason I consider The Power of a Praying Wifeto be one of the best marriage books of all time is because Stormie literally taught me how to pray for Shaun. The first chapter is about praying for his wife. LOL! So often, we resort to tattle-telling on our husbands to God, listing all the ways our man is failing, but chapter one reminds us, “If you can release [your resentful] feelings to God in total honesty and then move into prayer there is nothing that can change a marriage more dramatically.” I mean, talk about laying a strong foundation!

Learning a Different Language

A marriage book I talk about all the time (ask my friends!) is The Five Love Languagesby Gary Chapman. I’ve done videos, blog posts, social media posts, you name it, trying to help couples understand the important of knowing and learning their partner’s love language. Chapman explains that many couples fail, because they never learned how to speak each other’s love language. If your spouse loves gifts, but you keep trying to win his heart with words of affirmation, he won’t feel loved, no matter how sincere you are. In case you don’t know, the five love languages are words of affirmation (mine), quality time (also mine), acts of service (nope, I could care less), gifts (Are they shoes? If not, no thank you) and physical touch (kind of mine). The cool thing is you can use your understanding of these love languages to better anyrelationship you’re in. Try it; you’ll see. 

Building Walls

After recovering from our infidelity, I realized our marriage had been susceptible to others, because Shaun and I did not have proper boundaries. Boundaries, you see, are healthy and necessary in any loving relationship.Read that again. Any relationship without boundaries is a free-for-all, where both people will end up feeling insecure and disrespected. Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It by Jerry B. Jenkins is yet another of the best marriage books out there. It even comes with a free DVD (Clearly, this was published before SmartTVs and media streaming). Anyhoo, for those who feel that having boundaries in relationships take all the spontaneity out of it, chapter 6 “The Power of Self-deception” is just for you! We all need boundaries. Boundaries keep bad things (and bad people) out. 

Don’t Forget to Laugh

When I first came across Mark Gungor’s Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, I was deeply offended. My marriage was at the height of its yuckiness, and someone had the audacity to give me this book. I looked at them like, “Do I look like I want to laugh?” You know when you’re so mad, you could cry, but then you just break out laughing? No? Well, you haven’t hit that level of crazy yet. Wait for it. It will come! I clearly remember sitting in my apartment living room with the pea-green book cover in my lap.

What a stupid title, I thought. None of this is fun and games! But I started reading anyway. And what I discovered is why this book makes my list of one of the best marriage booksI’ve ever read. Mark has a way of taking serious topics like selfishness, inequality, communication craziness, lust and divorce and not trivializing them, but softening their impact. This is not a comedic book, but you will find yourself laughing as Mark steps all over your toes and reads all of your mail. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this marriage book to someone on the brink of killing his/her spouse, but to those who need to reinforce some areas of weakness, this is a great read. 

The Best Marriage Book of All Time

Okay, friends, as I wrap this up, I have to tell you the BEST marriage bookof all time, in my humble opinion, is  . . . the Bible! Oh, friend, if I could only tell you the times I’ve pressed my nose into the pages of the Good Book to find solace, wisdom, peace, direction, understanding, courage and joy. There simply is no other bookthat compares to the knowledge of God’s word. Now, I understand that some of you may not have the same level of love for the Bible as I do. However, from my personal experience, no other book changed or saved my marriage like the Bible has. Scriptures like these kept my heart renewed:

• “Be completely humble and gentle. Be patient, bearing with each other in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:2-3).
• “They are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6).
• “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9). 
• “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (I Corinthians 13:4-5).
• “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of wrongs.” (I Peter 4:8).

I tell Shaun all the time that he’d better be glad I’m a Christian! My lord. The Word softens this hardened heart and reminds me that I’m not living only for myself. Nor am I living by myself. God in me empowers me to live for him and to represent his love in a love-thirsty, dark world.

So there you have it; my list of the best marriage books, including the all-time, absolute best marriage book ever that saved my marriage and can save yours too. All you have to do is read, believe, and respond. 

All My Love, 

Dana Che