How to Talk So Your Partner Will Listen
Does it seem your spouse or partner doesn’t listen to you? Maybe you find yourself wondering how to talk in order that they will listen and understand you. Listening skills are an essential topic of communication within relationships which is why I’m dedicating a new series to how to communicate in conflict called “From Conflict to Connection.” Today’s episode will teach you principles and guide you toward a better understanding and improving communication with your partner.
I discuss common communication mistakes partners make when communicating and the importance of listening skills. I also offer practical and “pro” tips for better communication. We also explore how to approach sensitive topics, the importance of timing and mood, and how to influence your partner to listen to you when you communicate.
Practical Listening Skills:
- Effective Communication: It’s crucial to understand that communication isn’t just about talking; it’s also about listening and understanding your partner’s perspective.
- Listening to What’s Being Said Not Thought: Many conflicts arise not because we don’t hear what our partner says but because we need to take the time to process and understand their words. In other words, when we listen to what our partner says (and not what we think they said).
- Approaching Conversations: How you initiate a conversation can set the tone for its outcome. Choose the right time and approach for serious discussions and you’ll have a greater chance that your partner will listen to you when you bring up conversations.
- Understanding Non-Verbal Communication: Your partner’s body language and non-verbal cues can communicate a lot. It’s essential to be attentive to these signals. Also, be aware of your non-verbals. If you’re angry about something, your face is going to tell on you!
- Past Conversations: Consider how your past conversations went. Was your conflict resolved, or was headway made on the issue? Unresolved conflicts can trigger your partner from not wanting to engage in present or future conversations that may lead to conflict.
Pro Tips:
- Pause: Check in with your mood and your spouse’s mood before approaching conversations.
- Time: Is this the right time for the conversation? Do you have adequate time for the conversation?
- Repeater: Is this something you’ve brought up before? How did it turn out?
- Listen: Listen to them before you expect them to listen to you.
- Needs: Tell your spouse your needs clearly. Too many people have unmet needs because they haven’t taken the time to communicate those needs to their spouse or partner.
Listener Takeaways:
- For Singles: Focus on developing good listening skills now. Even though you aren’t married, you still need to learn how to communicate so that people listen.
- For Married Couples: Practice patience and understanding in your communication. Remember, it’s not just what you say but also how you say it. It takes times to change bad habits, so give yourself and your spouse time.
- For Church Leaders: Encourage open and empathetic communication among couples. Foster an environment where listening is valued as much as speaking. Don’t be afraid to correct spouses who talk over each other or manipulate conversations.
If you remember these tips when you talk to your spouse, you will be on your way to more success with them listening to you. It’s about understanding and adapting your communication style to foster a deeper connection with your partner. Remember, it’s not just about making your partner listen but creating a space where both of you feel heard and understood.
Links Mentioned in this Episode:
Get my new Connection Course <—Use Discount Code! “CONNECTION50” (good until 12/1/23.)
Need Help in Conflict? Download my free “Conversation Starters” here!
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