Friendship Goals Part 1 – Long Lasting Friendships

I have a friend named Shelby. When I think of long lasting friendships, I think of her. Shelby does not know a stranger. The thing I love about her is she keeps up with people for years! She makes all her friends feel like the real MVP, because she is genuinely interested in their lives, their kids and whatever else concerns them. Oh, and her memory is the greatest. Whenever I want to reminisce about the good ol’ days, I know exactly who to call. Me, on the other hand, I can’t remember half the people I went to college with! My memory sucks. My daughter calls me Dory (from Pixar’s Finding Dory). It’s sad. 

I really admire people like Shelby who still know what’s going on in everyone’s life years later. If it weren’t for Facebook, I’d know nothing. My friend, Diamond, is also someone who inspires me to build long lasting friendships. Diamond is still very close to several girlfriends that she went to middle school with, even though she’s 33 years old! 

Today, she and I had a conversation about the importance of long lasting friendships . . . you know, people you’ve rocked with for more than a decade. These special friendships are rare. These are the people we feel safe with, and as Diamond said, “They feel like home.” 

Barriers to Long Lasting Friendships

I live in Virginia Beach, a highly populated Navy town. People move in and out all the time. I have had to comfort every single one of our four kids when their best little friend suddenly moved away. It’s treacherous, man! So to “protect” them, I’ve put some barriers in place. When they meet a new kid, I’ll often ask, “Are his/her parents in the military?” If they say yes, I kind of hold my kids back from getting too close. It’s not the healthiest thing to do, I know, but I just hate seeing my kids’ hearts broken.

Isn’t that us, though? Have you ever met someone and intentionally held back, because you were afraid they would leave or you would be rejected in some way? Even if they aren’t in the military, this nagging sense of fear often creeps into new friendships, ruining them before they start. This is the very reason many of us struggle to build lost lasting friendships. 

One of the main reasons I started doing my Friendship Fridays was to intentionally build and nurture solid friendships. I don’t know about you, but I go 100 MPH all week. As I was cutting things out of my schedule, I noticed I wasn’t spending enough time with my girlfriends.  If you’re a lady reading this, can I please ask, no, make that beg of you . . . do not forsake the gathering of yourselves together. That’s actually a Bible verse that some only equate to church, but I think it’s appropriate here. 

I love my man, Lord knows I do, but friends build you up in ways that you don’t even know you need. A good, long belly laugh with one of my favorite girlfriends has put fleeting feelings of depression to flight more times than I can count.  I’m so grateful for the women in my life that have stuck by me through thick and thin. You know who you are. And guys, you too need strong friendships!

Sure, there are seasons of friendships, and you just won’t connect long term with everyone, but how about challenging each other to pursue long lasting friendships when possible. 

Tips on Building Long Lasting Friendships

Here are a few quick tips on what’s working for me: 

1. Be honest with who you like and who you don’t. 

Why do we try to act like we like everyone? Time spent on shallow friendships that you’re not genuinely interested in is taking away from the real relationships/friendships you could be out there building. 

2. Make time. 

This is self-explanatory. We make time for the things that are important. Follow my lead, and start your own Friendship Friday or Sister Saturdays or whatever. Call, text, visit, FaceTime, etc.  With all the technological tools at our fingertips, there’s really no good reason to not connect. 

3. Share your intentions. 

This one requires vulnerability. Don’t assume your friend knows you want your relationship to go deeper. Tell her/him! Let your friend know that you value her/him. More often than not, she/he will reciprocate. 

Building long lasting friendships takes time, commitment, vulnerability and persistence. You need this. So, be honest, make time and share your heart. You can do this!