Ep. 18 – How to Love Your Spouse When You Don’t Like Your Spouse

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Do you ever wonder why you chose your husband or wife? You know you should love your spouse, but you don’t even like them. This episode is going to dive right into a thought that most married people have had at one point or another. “How can I love my spouse when I don’t even like him?” Truth be told, our feelings are fickle, and you should never allow your feelings alone to make decisions for you. You did like your spouse at some point. Remember?

I can totally relate to the feeling, though. Due to the marriage problems Shaun and I had for so long, I had started to become hopeless, thinking there was no way I could ever look at him with love again. I didn’t like him. I was often angry. I had been hurt too much. The fact that we are still married (and going strong at that) 21 years later is a testament to the wonder and faithfulness of God!

A Dangerous Prayer

I remember back to five years or so into our marriage, I prayed a dangerous prayer: “Lord, teach me to love my husband like you do. Give me unconditional love.” I think that’s when the bottom fell out. I could not have imagined the trials we would encounter or the way God would take me up on my little prayer and teach me how to love . . . His way. God’s love is radical. It’s illogical. And we are so undeserving of it. He shows us this crazy, radical love and then asks us to show it to our spouse. And yes, you can do this even if you don’t like your spouse. Because love without risk isn’t love at all.

In order for God to teach you how to love unconditionally, he has to show you people in their full humanity. #TweetThat.

Reconnection is the Key to Loving Your Spouse Again

In order to learn to like your spouse again, you are going to have to be intentional to find ways to reconnect. So many marriages are in habitual disconnection, caught in the hustle and bustle of life or trapped by past mistakes and unforgiveness. We talked a great deal about unforgiveness in Episode 13: The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships. Be sure to listen to that one.

You can learn to like your spouse even if you don’t like him. A resource that might help you to do this is Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk. Shaun and I took our marriage small group through this book over the course of a year, and it was super beneficial.

In the meantime, keep listening to this podcast, and be sure to write me your questions to QandA@danache.com.

Do you need more support in your marriage? Give marriage coaching a try. I work with “solo spouses” and married couples alike.

Learn more about my coaching packages at DanaChe.com