Misunderstandings in Relationships
Let’s face it. There will always be misunderstandings in relationships.
No matter how much two people love each other, relationship conflict is unavoidable. The good news is that conflict doesn’t have to be the death sentence for your relationship. As I was thinking about this, I started to personify misunderstandings with the name “Miss Understandings.” Roll with me as I explain . . .
Oh how I wish I didn’t know her so well. She seems to come uninvited to my most intimate relationships. She sits and eavesdrops on our conversations, whispering her unsolicited advice in my ear and giving me the side eye when someone I’m in relationship with is speaking. Her name is Miss Understandings. I know you know her too. Even her name is deceptive. She introduces herself as someone with good intentions. She just wants to listen and understand. Yeah right. Two minutes into your conversation, she starts her drama. Let me tell you something: if you want your relationships to flourish, you must keep Miss Understandings in check.
“The goal of communication is not agreement, but understanding,”
Misunderstandings can ruin the connection in our relationships. Why? Because we spend so much time trying to be right that we lose sight of what is more important. I love what popular parenting and relationship guru Danny Silk in his book, Keep Your Love On, says: “The goal of communication is not agreement, but understanding,” How often do we come into conversations with our own agenda at the forefront, though? I just did it today! Shaun and I were a little “off” this week, and after I had had enough, I told him, “We need to talk.”
Men, when your woman tells you that, be afraid. Be very afraid. If she’s like me, she has been rehearsing both sides of the conversation (hers and yours) for at least two days and already has a witty rebuttal for any and everything you could even think of saying. Please, I repeat, please, do not think you are going to win. Your cards have already been dealt; I’m trying to tell you . . .
Shaun and I have been married for nearly 19 years, so you can imagine how many conversations “Miss Understandings” has invited herself to. I don’t know if it was the dreary weather or the fact that it was after 11 PM, but I just didn’t feel like performing the usual skit of “Let Me Tell You What Did Wrong and How You Can Change.” We actually had a mature, mutually beneficial conversation with a good outcome. Surprisingly, conversations tend to go a lot quicker when you kick Miss Understandings out.
I can’t promise that she won’t show up tomorrow morning, but for tonight, we’re going to sleep happy, and so can you. Misunderstandings in relationships will happen, but they are fixable.
Avoiding Misunderstandings in Relationships
- Don’t assume. You may have heard it said that to assume make an ASS out of U and ME. Yeah, I didn’t make that up, but oh my word, it sure is true. Assumptions kill connection.
- Ask, don’t tell. As much as we think we know what our loved ones are thinking, we don’t. Ask questions. Then tell how YOU are feeling.
- Be honest. Vulnerability is hard. I get it. But if you want to avoid misunderstandings in your relationships, you have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable” (Shout out to Jillian Michaels who yells this out in her workout videos just as my legs are burning with rage from excessive squats).
- Give Grace. Sometimes you need to allow love to cover misunderstandings. Give your loved one the benefit of the doubt, and choose to believe the best.
Remember, in your conversations, the purpose is to connect, not to agree. So, even when you have a misunderstanding, you can still end the conversation with a win. Misunderstandings don’t have to have the final word. Understand?
0 Comments
Trackbacks/Pingbacks