When Saying I’m Sorry First Sucks

Real talk. Saying I’m sorry first sucks. You did the crime, you said the words, you gave the silent treatment, and now your conscience is screaming at you. You know you need to say, “I’m sorry,” but then you think about what the person did to make you upset in the first place.

You justify. You defend. You embellish the other person’s wrongdoing a little.

And it feels good.

But you know the truth. You’re just trying to sweet talk your way out of doing what you know you need to do—what’s right.

I am totally speaking from experience here!

Listen, there are so many times when I know I’m supposed to apologize (usually to my husband, since he has the gift of finding what irks my nerves), but I don’t. Well, I eventually do, but not right away.

Why? Because I’m waiting for him to say I’m sorry first, of course!

You know what I mean? Like really, I caused all this confusion on my own?!

There I go defending again.

Sigh. Shaun is a patient guy. He’s a really good husband actually. He’s got his issues, and I’ve got mine, but one thing he does better than me is saying I’m sorry.

As as matter of fact, he’ll often say it so quickly, sans all the theatrics that usually accompany my apology, that I don’t always think he’s genuine.

And there’s another reason for me not to say I’m sorry. He didn’t really mean his “I’m sorry”!

Are you hearing the insanity of the games I play with myself?

What’s the big daggone deal about apologizing anyway? Surely a born-again, Spirit-filled woman like me would do better than this, right?

Hmmm. Not always.

You know what the real deal is? It’s never my intent to hurt anyone. So, I justify that since I didn’t mean to do _________, that person is misunderstanding me. Now it’s time to explain myself and why I did what I did or said what said the way that I said it.

But as Shaun has tried to explain to me several times: people just want their feelings validated and to know that you heard them. If you don’t convey that message, all your excuses and defense arguments won’t matter a lick.

So, in times like this, I have to put on my big girl clothes, suck it up and say “I’m sorry” — period. And then I have to resist the urge to count how many seconds it takes for him or her to apologize. God forbid the person says, “Thanks. I forgive you” and walks off!

Benjamin Franklin said, ““Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” Help me Jesus.

And speaking of Jesus, in His word, it reads, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed (James 5:16, NLT).

We can’t be healed emotionally nor can our relationships be healed if we aren’t willing to say I’m sorry first.

Chew on that. And then open your mouth and utter those pride-killing words: I’m sorry.