The Secret to a Happy Marriage

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Every couple at sometime or another wonders what is “the secret to a happy marriage,” because every couple at sometime or another faces challenges. There you are, standing before the altar, preparing to promise your best intentions to the man or woman of your dreams. You’ve imagined new your life together a thousand times, each one in more vivid detail. Life is going to be perfect with your bestie by your side. You’re suddenly awakened from your daydream by your two-year old’s shrieks, because she can’t have another fruit snack. Your 3-month old has just woken up from another 10-minute cat nap and your husband just texted you to tell you he would be home late . . . again.  Clearly, this is not what you signed up for when you said, “I do.”

You turn on the TV and pull up the newest recorded episode of Flip of Flop. You still can’t believe Tarek and Christina are divorced. They seemed like such the happy couple. Though if you’re honest, you secretly despised their perfectness, especially in light of your own less-than-happy situation. You wonder what happened with the El Moussas. What would make Their Perfectness split up? But then again, nearly every TV show on your DVR features separated or divorced couples or couples who are in trouble.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of watching TV shows and movies that depict marriage as this boring, monotonous, regretful decision between two overwhelmed people who can barely tolerate each other. Most TV marriages are dry, passionless, unhappy and uninspiring. There are those who think that media simply reflects our reality back to us, but I believe advertisers actually create media to influence how they want us to behave. Happy marriages aren’t the butt of any jokes. Bad marriages are. Happy marriages don’t create fear and depression. Bad marriages do. So, the media continues to feed us with examples of bad marriages.

A Well-Known Fact about Marriage

When I first started online, I knew I wanted to change the conversation. I wanted to show the world that good, happy marriages do actually exist. I want to give people the tools to create the fulfilling marriages and relationships they truly want.I know what it’s like to have a bad marriage. Shaun and I had one for years! But through a lot of counseling, prayer, hard work and commitment, we now have a good marriage. Of course, it’s still a work in progress and will always be, but we are light years ahead of where we used to be.

So many couples want to know the secret to a happy marriage, but then they are unwilling to do the work to make it happen. Marriage is not a sprint. It’s a marathon.You’re either in it for the long haul or you’re going to burn out. And just like any marathon, you’re going to need some endurance, refreshment, focus and support.

The truth is, I’ve never run an actual marathon. Running has never really been my thing (though to war against the cellulite creeping up on my thighs, I’ve started running 2 miles a few times a week). I do, however, know something about commitment. Throughout our 19 years of marriage, both Shaun and I could have quit at any point, as we were often tempted to do. So, what kept us going? What still keeps us going? Sheer commitment. We committed to not only staying married, but to creating a happy marriage. Along with commitment, we discovered this one secret. This one thing we had been neglecting in all of the “working on our marriage” we were doing. The secret to a happy marriage, I believe, is fun.I know, it’s not super deep or earth shattering, but it is the gospel truth.

The Secret to a Happy Marriage: The Fun Factor

It seems logical that fun would be a requirement of a happy marriage, but not everyone realizes just how important fun is. You see, when you’re struggling in your marriage, all you think you is to pull a Rhianna and work, work, work, work, work,but if all you do is work and never come up for air, you’re going to drive your spouse and your marriage into the ground.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. My marriage is in trouble; the last thing I’m thinking about is what fun things we can do.Marriage problems are serious, and you need to be seriously working on them, but let me tell you a secret. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your marriage is to pull away from the problems and reconnect as friends.

How Fun Date Nights Can Save Your Marriage

I remember a time when Shaun and I were battling. I mean, death stares and silent treatments. Actually, a separation seemed more than tempting. Some of our couple friends invited us to go to Busch Gardens with them for the day. I wasn’t feeling it. The last thing I wanted to do was to spend all day with Shaun acting fake, so we wouldn’t ruin our friends’ trip. So I declined. Little did I know, he had already told them we’d be there. So, to save face, I went.

There’s something about being thrust 100 feet into the air and then plummeting at lightning speed that just has a way of dissolving all the tension in your hard, little heart. I found myself squealing with glee and squeezing Shaun’s knee as we hit roller coaster after roller coaster. We shared drinks, ice cream and more importantly, a little kiss in line waiting for our next thrill. See, Busch Gardens (i.e. fun) was exactly what we needed. Trust me, your problems will still be there, but adding some fun to your relationship gives you a much needed break so that you can rediscover what brought the two of you together in the first place.

BONUS: Check out these 18 Date Night Ideas for you and your partner.

The Secret to a Happy Marriage is NOT

What comes to mind when you picture a “happy marriage?” For me, it’s a couple snuggled underneath a blanket on the couch together eating ice cream and watching the newest romance flick. Or maybe they’re snuggled on the bed together eating ice cream and talking about their marriage goals or whatever. For me, a happy marriage always involves quality time . . . and ice cream. As you may have guessed, quality time is my primary love language.

But happy marriages don’t always involve snuggling, ice cream or even quality time. Sometimes, a happy marriage is two people who refuse to give up on each other . . . two people who are committed to each other not only in the good times but the hard times too. Sometimes you have to remember that you promised to love each other when you don’t like each other.

The secret to a happy marriage isn’t always working on the marriage. And a happy marriage isn’t bliss. It isn’t roses and luxury vacations or a kid-free house. A happy marriage is what you make it.If you are committed to loving, giving, serving, listening, having fun and changing to be the best partner you can be, you, my friend will have a happy marriage.

What about you? Can you remember a time when fun helped you in your marriage or relationship? I’d love to hear from you!