Vulnerability in Friendships – Part 2

When I wrote earlier about vulnerability in friendships, I had no idea how many people it would resonate with, but based on the feedback I’ve already received, I see it’s a subject that many relate to. I want to point out a key fact. There is a difference between vulnerability and transparency. As I stated in my earlier blog post, I am transparent. Basically, I share what’s going on in my life. I don’t hide. I allow people to “see through” me.

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But vulnerability is a bit different. Here’s what I mean. Years ago, Shaun and I were having some major financial trouble. Our mortgage was behind, and I was scared we would lose our house. I called a few friends and family members to pray and also just to let them know what was going on. As usual, I was being transparent. But there was only one person (besides my mom, who I told errything to at the time), who I cried on the phone with. I told her I felt like a failure, a loser, and that I regretted buying that house in the first place. I told her I was mad at Shaun for buying too many Christmas presents. Surely that’s why we were in this bind, right? I told her I checked my front door 3 times a day so I could snatch off the foreclosure notice I was sure the bank would post on my door before our neighbors noticed. My best friend, Sharicka, (who passed away in 2008) just listened. She let me cry (which is not something I often do), and she told me I wasn’t a loser. She told me she knew the feeling of being out of control financially, but that this wasn’t the end. She gave me hope when I needed it. That, my friends, is vulnerability.

My friend Adia and I had such a great conversation on vulnerability in friendships that I broke our session into two parts. Here is part two.

So what about you? Are you transparent but rarely vulnerable? (Side note: I would ask if you struggle with both, but if you’re not transparent, you wouldn’t be honest. LOL.) Do you have at one person in your life that you allow to see the “inners” of your soul? I know it can be mad scary, but what’s the alternative? Fake friendships? Shallow relationships? Remember, real relationships are built upon trust. I pray you find the strength to demo your walls. You’ll be better because you had the courage to try.