We are the Same But Different

I am fresh off a wonderful marriage getaway with my love and have been rehearsing what we learned all weekend. We are the same but different. It was said over and over again. Many times, especially in a marriage, we tend to believe that it’s our common qualities that make for a good marriage, when in all actuality, it’s just the opposite. It’s our differences that anchor us.  

Many people will divorce and say, “We just don’t have anything in common anymore.” This sentiment shows that they never learned that it’s opposites that attract. It isn’t our sameness that attracted us to our spouse, it’s our differences.

My husband is laid back, I’m energetic. He is a great listener, I’m a great talker :-). He’s an early riser, I’m a night owl. He’s the fun parent, I’m the enforcer. Our differences go on and on, but somehow it works.

Same But Different in Our Approach

The way my husband handles conflict is very different than how I handle it. I like to tackle conflict head on and quickly find a solution. My husband hates conflict and wants to keep the peace. You can see how this can creates problems if we allow it, but because we realize we are the same but different, our approach is to honor one another and be flexible. It’s all about the greater good of the relationship, and learning how to still be united in spite of our differences.

This is also true of the way we discipline the children, how we plan for vacations, how many times the laundry should be washed (it’s always more when I’m the one who has to do it!), how we handle grief and so on.

We Are the Same But Different in our Makeup

Usually my husband’s strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa. He can organize our room in under an hour. It takes me 3 hours just to organize the closet! He is usually on top of things, while I tend to procrastinate. He has the gift of mercy and I have the gift of telling people like it is. Focusing on our differences could be a negative thing if I didn’t understand that God brought us together because of our differences, not in spite of. So in that case we choose to celebrate our differences by honoring each other for who we are.

So the next time you’re ready to complain that you’re so different from your spouse, remember we are the same but different by design. Same in our values, same in our devotion and the same in our destiny and that’s a great thing!

P.S. If you’re a wife struggling in your marriage or just want someone to pray with you, consider joining my Intimate Intercessors marriage group where you’ll find a community of encouraging women to walk with you.