Self-Care for Women: A 5-Step Practical Plan 

Self-care is such a buzz word right now. Unfortunately, many women still don’t prioritize the need to take time for themselves. Last weekend, I had the privilege of spending some girl time with my cousin, Tammy. As kids, Tammy and I only lived a few blocks from each other. Because our moms are sisters and we lived in the same neighborhood, we saw each other nearly every day. We’ve been through a lot of life together: breakups, weddings, her divorce, the birth of my kids, the impending arrival of her first child and now, unfortunately, Tammy’s breast cancer. 

Last week, Tammy shared with me that she might have cancer, and all the memories we’ve shared together flashed before my eyes, because that’s what happens when you hear the dreaded “C” word. A thousand questions ran through my mind. Would she be okay? How long had the cancer been active? What would happen to her baby? Why now, God?! After her biopsy confirmed what we feared yet prayed against, I really took some time to reflect on why this happened.  

When life happens, we always want to know why. Of course there is no one reason why anyone gets cancer. Medical advice tells us we are all are born with cancerous cells, and that all it takes is a “trigger” for those cells to mutate and multiply. Triggers can be all sorts of things like poor nutrition, lack of exercise, too many chemical substances, hormone imbalances, too much acidity or stress. Yes, stress is a leading cause of many physical and psychological problems. As a matter of fact, the American Psychological Association (APA) states the stress negatively affects nearly every major system in the body!  

Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. I am not saying that Tammy’s cancer was brought on by stress. We don’t know why or how she got it. But I am using this time to reflect on how stress does affect us as women. 

One of my soapboxes (and I have many!) is self-care for women. Women typically juggle too many hats. And the crazy thing is we’re so darn good at it!  As a matter of fact, the “busy mom” phenomenon has taken off like wildfire. Women are running around thinking it’s some kind of a badge of honor to be sleep-deprived, overscheduled and darn-near delirious half the time. When did this become cute? Who said it was okay for us to work ourselves to the bone outside of the home, only to come home and switch into full-time homemaker, cook, taxi driver, nurse, counselor, advice columnist, tutor, delivery driver, etc.?  

It’s time we stop this madness! Women are stressed out, and it’s killing us! Take a look at this image I shared with my Instagram followers. It shows some of the awful side effects of burnout: headaches, sleep troubles, feeling overwhelmed/cynical, feeling frustrated and unfulfilled, a sense of apathy, feeling irritable and feeling depleted after work. Can you relate? I don’t know if I know of a woman yet who hasn’t felt many, if not all, of these symptoms! 

 

 

Self-Care is a Necessity 

So now that we’ve learned our overscheduled lives are actually setting us up for major problems, here is some good news. We can change! We don’t have to continue the merry-go-round of endless to-do lists, hyper-stimulation and other people’s expectations. Heck, we can still be feisty, fabulous, fun and free. We can hire someone to clean our homes without feeling guilty or “excessive.” We can take our kids to Chick-Fil-A instead of cooking meals every night. We don’t have to enroll our kids in sports every season, and we can go to the nail salon, simply because we want to!  

We should embrace self-care for women as a necessity not as a luxury. We’ve all heard it said that the best defense is a good offense, right? Let’s not wait for our bodies to revolt, then, for us to choose self-care as a way of life . . . a new way of living. . Your health and sanity are not luxuries. They are needs. So, let’s talk about my practical self-care plan that any woman can follow: 

5-Step Plan: Self-Care for Women 

Don’t you just love a good plan?  I sure do. As a matter of fact, before I do anything, I always make a plan. Why? It’s the Type-A, “get-’er-done” in me. Most of us don’t plan to fail; we fail to plan. Planning turns our intentions into action. Do you plan to brush your teeth, or do you just intend on doing it? Hopefully, for the sake of those you live and work with, you plan this little bathroom meeting at least twice a day.  Do you plan on feeding your children, or do you just intend to? If you want to avoid temper tantrums and possible jail time, you fix those sandwiches. Neglecting your children’s needs is called abuse. But so many women abuse and neglect themselves all the time!  

Okay, jumping down from the soapbox. Let’s get into this. I am going to share with you 5 steps you can do EVERY DAY to take care of yourself, and the best part is you can do this in your own timing, your own way.  

5 Steps for Self-Care

1. Choose Quiet  

Quiet time looks different for many of us. Before I roll out of bed in the morning, I say, “Good morning Lord. Thank you for waking me up.” I then read a passage from my Bible and sometimes a devotional, and then I pray. Every. Single. Day. I plan this. It’s the first thing I do before checking my Facebook, text messages or even the weather. My quiet time is my number one priority. Your quiet time might look like meditation, journaling, sitting in silence or listening to soft music. Maybe your quiet time is at night before bed or maybe it’s noonday while the baby is napping. Take about 15 minutes to still yourself and get quiet. Whenever you do it, and whatever you do, just do it.  

2. Choose Joy 

One of my favorite Scriptures is, “The joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). When we choose to focus on joy, we find ourselves built up mentally and spiritually. You choose joy by laughing with a friend, playing with your kids, being silly, speaking faith-filled words instead of fear-filled words and pursuing hobbies that bring you pleasure. Joy is what we need when life throws its challenges at us. You cultivate a heart of joy by focusing on the things that bring life, happiness and purpose. 

3. Choose No  

“No” is one of the most powerful words you can say. I used to be a “Yes woman,” meaning I would try to say “Yes” to anyone and everyone I could. I’d say yes even when I wanted to say no. Saying yes made me feel more spiritual and more useful, and if I’m being honest, more likeable. I wanted to be liked! I didn’t want to let people down, so I said yes to things I should have said no to. That was until I learned that by saying yes to everyone else, I was saying no to myself and what was best. I was putting everyone else’s needs and wants above my own.  

Now, if you were raised in Sunday School like I was, this sounds very normal, even godly. The children’s song J-O-Y (Jesus first, Others second, You last) makes this point very clear. Do I think you should think of others as important? Absolutely, but not at the expense of yourself. Lysa TerKeurst wrote a book called The Best Yes. I have the accompanying calendar on my desk, and I highly recommend it! 

4. Choose You  

As stated above, saying no to things you shouldn’t means choosing you, because “you is important!” (Remember that line from the movie The Help?) You are worthy! Have you ever wondered why the flight attendant tells you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others?  How many of us think that’s selfish or rude? None of us! Why? Because we realize that to truly help others, we must first take care of ourselves.  

Women, self-care is so important! We must take care of our bodies, our minds and our spirits. We take care of our bodies by eating nutritious and delicious foods, being active, getting massages and not putting poisons (like chemicals, drugs and other toxins) into our bodies. We take care of our minds by reading, exercising critical thinking, allowing our imaginations to flourish and controlling what we think. We take care of our spirits by praying, meditating, loving others and being loved. Choose you boo! 

5. Choose Gratitude  

Gratitude is one of the best practices I’ve learned. We all have problems, challenges, fears and disappointments. But choosing to be grateful for what we do have does wonders for our souls. Brene Brown talks about practicing gratitude as opposed to having an attitude of gratitude. When you practice something, you actually do it. Simply having an attitude of gratitude is like having an intention vs a plan like we talked about earlier.  What are you grateful for today? Write it down. Every. Single. Day. Think on what you have. Meditate on these things. Choose gratitude.  

As you can see, these 5 steps to self-care aren’t rocket science. It’s simple. I’m going to tell you again: You are important. You deserve to love the life you’re living. You don’t need to kill yourself trying to please other people. Get quiet, make a plan and take care of yourself. 

What are some other ways you take time out for you? I’d love it if you share your own self-care for women tips below! Oh, and would you please pray for my cousin, Tammy?